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The Tennis Edition
Tennis Clay Court Season
American tennis
players sometimes have trouble playing on European clay. I read an article where a player spoke
of the difficulties he encountered on the surface because he is not used to
playing on it. After the Italia Masters last week (which is played on
clay), I think the American tennis players need to start a Euroclay
support group. I also read in the
Houston Chronicle that the American clay
the players practice on is not the same as
European clay. If that's the case, wouldn't it be good if they could accurately replicate European clay
here, instead of using a synthetic version, giving players the opportunity to
play on
alternate surfaces throughout the year.
We put a man on the moon and rip off European
perfumes all the time (the counterfeit ones in the drug store -Aisha pretending
she's never bought one- Hey, I love perfume, I buy the expensive and cheap ones
as well), certainly tennis
court designers can accurately replicate European clay.
Getting acclimated to
the clay couldn't hurt, after all, rankings changed after the Italia
Masters last week. It would be like a form of what is referred to as climatizing
- similar to how England used cooling vests to help its soccer players cope with
the heat and humidity in Japan in the 2002 World Cup.
May 26, 2003
The French Open
I saw a few matches from the French Open today; America is
doing well. I don't prefer matches
on clay (listen to me, like I'm the one that has to play it). Growing up here,
you are mostly used to seeing hard court matches. Actually watching our players
slide is quite entertaining, if not more entertaining than the actual tennis, as
there is that element of will they go off keel and end up eating clay. I'm
kidding, I thought they were graceful and did quite well today, congratulations
to them. Actually the ATP paid me to write that (kidding again). Funny highlight from a commentator about one of
the matches: "If he wins he can forget to see anything like him along the
way." I did laugh at that comment (and boy did I laugh), but the player he
said that about needs to slap the commentator. I'm kidding. Profound observation from the commentator:
"He's playing hard court tennis on clay." I was on line speaking to someone during the
match and she knew the stats of her favorite player who was competing. I told
her well done, but I don't know anyone's stats. If I were playing, I probably
wouldn't know my own stats. I'm kidding; I'm not absent minded. - Aisha stops
writing- …Mom, have you seen that book I was reading yesterday? I can't find
it...Mom replies with her standard answer to such questions, "You don't
look for anything" (Mom goes to find the book). That's cause if I say that,
I know she will go find it for me. Shhh don't tell her I said
that. What was really funny and a bit prophetic is a
few minutes later during a post match interview, that same tennis player whose
stats she knew said he doesn't mind what the stats page says, as long as his
name is listed as the winner. I laughed and said, I'm in good company then. Andre Agassi Charity
Yesterday, I watched a clip about Andre Agassi's
charity concert that raised over 4 million dollars for charity. One of the
highest donations came from auctioning off tennis lessons, one with Agassi and
one with Graf. The winners paid $100,000 for each of the two lesson.
If I pay $100,000 for a tennis lesson, I better win
Wimbledon, The Australian Open, The US Open and The Freedom Open, uh I mean The
French Open.
People here have started substituting the word French
with the word freedom when saying things like French fries and French toast
because of France's lack of support for America and Britain during the war - it
is now freedom fries and freedom toast.
I have a question, if you are going to France, when you
go to the check in counter at the airport, are we supposed to say "Hi, I'd
like to check into the 8PM flight going to Paris, Freedom, thank you" (not
the word French, but close). I'm kidding, no hate mail, please.
May 28, 2003
French Open In watching one of the matches in the French
Open this morning, I noticed that both female tennis players were wearing almost
identical outfits in the same color. What, did you guys call each other the
night before and say "girl, what are you wearing tomorrow? Let's
match." I'm kidding.
June 2, 2003 French Open
Well,
there are only three Americans left in the French Open and the press is really
pointing that out, along with the fact that Americans often have difficulty
playing on clay. I think they are being too hard on them. They are not bad on
the surface; it's just that the European players have more of an advantage
because they are used to playing on clay, therefore that does not equate to bad
tennis. It's like having the home court advantage due to the clay - not just the
crowd.
If you
compare their games, quite a few American tennis players who competed weren't
moving like they usually do, almost as if they had lost their confidence for
fear of losing their balance.
There's
an old saying "familiarity breeds
contempt" - for some, maybe, but for others familiarity breeds confidence. When
you are accustomed to and understand something, it breeds a sense of security,
certainty and confidence due to that familiarity. You know what to expect and
how to adapt if need be, so you feel comfortable, while people often fear and or
dislike the unknown and the unfamiliar (as with racism, where people wrongfully
have contempt for people who are not like them; people they don't know or
understand).
During changeovers, you ever notice the
intense look tennis players have on their faces - wouldn't it be funny if we're
thinking they are thinking about something really serious like their strategy
for the match, when they're thinking about something trivial. - Yesterday, I saw the match between Andre
Agassi and Andy Roddick. He's the one I jokingly called "bullet serve" on April
8th 2003, on the diary page. He certainly used that serve to win yesterday,
where he also equaled the record with a 149 mph serve. The funniest part of the match was when Roddick
scored a point and sarcastically blew a kiss to the lineswoman because of a call
she made earlier that went against him (ouch!). After that match they should
rename Andy "ace" Roddick for the amount of aces he scored. Agassi did well,
though. Also, what did Agassi yell out during the match? It sounded like a
foreign language. - Speaking of athletes (well, writing of
athletes) I've written captions about musicians before - well, I saw some funny
pics of athletes and did a few captions for them as well: Athletes lying down on the
job Martin...The horizontal backhand: You've heard of Air Jordan...meet Air Andy: Gustavo "Picasso" Kuerten exploring his
artistic side by drawing a heart in the clay after winning his match: ...Then lying in the heart he drew in the clay
(hey, he won, the man deserves a nap). It takes a brave,
non-dry-cleaning-bill-fearing man to lay down on a clay court - I commend you: I'm noticing a pattern here (no, not the heart
pattern Gustavo drew) more examples: Thierry Henry's new sport which combines soccer
and hurdles… Other pics that
are... hahahaha: Aww...Mark Philippousis "rubs his eyes after
missing a point" against Mardy McFly, uh I mean Mardy Fish: Roddick the Rockette (actually he is kicking
because he missed a shot, but my caption is funnier): Becks in Braids - David Derek: Thierry, there are people who rob banks dressed
like that: Soccer player Ronaldo auditioning for the
Harlem Globetrotters (I'm kidding): (Pics courtesy of Corbis)
August 13, 2003
- My little sister is very taken with Spain right
now. She wants to go there and asked me if there is any Spanish in our family. I
said on my side of the family there is Spanish/Latin from my grandma, who was half
Brazilian (Portuguese) - never mind my little sister speaks better Spanish than I do, though
I'm the one with the Latin heritage). She loves speaking to me in Spanish, as
she knows the only Spanish I speak is "Pele" (kidding). Thanks to my dad, my
childhood is a blur of music, Pele soccer matches, Clive Lloyd cricket matches
(his friend) and John McEnroe tennis matches.
Yes, I watched a variety of matches by other
tennis players as well when I was a child and still do, but my theory is
watching McEnroe flip his lid on the court traumatized me as a kid, which is why
I remember McEnroe the most (you know, a good lawyer would find a lawsuit in
that somewhere).
I'm getting another traumatizing flashback right
now of an umpire, McEnroe, a racket flying and the sound of television beeps
(make it stop, make the beeps stop). - Speaking of tennis,
watching a match recently I began to
wonder why a certain tennis player doesn't incorporate more aces into his game,
he has the strength and quickness to hit good aces, as he is very fast on the
court and has a good serve.
Yea, aces are like cheap shots (get the
joke?...never mind). That's what I would do (yea, like I'm actually ranked). The
whole game would be aces. That's my idea of a good match, others not being able
to even touch the ball, sort of like Kobe when he plays basketball (I'm
kidding). In the post match interview my opponent would be whining and saying "I
never got a chance to hit the ball! I couldn't return any of them. She gets on
my nerves!" (I'm just kidding).
An observation...a certain commentator says the
word "masters" as though it is pronounced "monsters," due to his accent. When he
said "the masters" I thought he said "the monsters," then I thought "what
monsters?" (yes, I'm teasing him - hey, he jokes about the athletes). Another
observation...doesn't Justin Gimelstob look like Joey Fatone from the boyband
NSYNC (hmm -Aisha wondering if the neighborhoods where Justin and Joey grew up
had the same mailman-...I'm just kidding).
This is off topic, but tennis player Jarkko Nieminen's name reminds me of a rapper's name (yes, it's getting late now and I don't really want to write anything else for the article, so I decided to close it by going off topic).
The US Open
I've been watching matches and
highlights from the US Open. I prefer hard court tennis. I think grass is great
as well - uh, that's grass court tennis. Don't want any confusion with that one.
The other kind of grass is not good for you. Last week I saw a John McEnroe
interview and he jokingly referred to other players he use to compete against
as, uh, sissies. John's changed so much…not!
My dad and I were talking about clay
tennis and he reminded me that, as well as Sampras played and as much as he
accomplished in tennis, he never won the French Open (that should make anyone
who's lost on clay feel better). Well, it is on clay and that's like kryptonite
for American tennis players (kidding). Ah clay, the red stuff. When you think
about it, clay is dirt and grown people really aren't supposed to be playing in
dirt (that was a joke). I've got a few more clay tennis jokes - feet of
clay...clay pigeon...well, for American tennis players who don't gravitate to
clay it's not clay pigeon, it's more like sitting duck (get it? ducks and
pigeons are birds... never mind).
I think the American tennis players need
to start a clay support group. Picture that first CA Meeting (Clayers
Anonymous). A tennis player stands up "Hi, my name is David and I'm a Clayer
(bawling)." All jokes aside, it is not a surface that's to be ignored and to be
fair there are Americans who have won the French Open.
Speaking of Sampras, critics are
searching to find his replacement (since when are critics talent scouts) - the
tennis player to pass the torch to. But that's just it; you shouldn't seek to
replace people. It's disrespectful. Critics have put a lot of undue pressure on
the younger tennis players to follow in the previous generation's footsteps.
God makes each person unique. Therefore,
why look for the next version of someone else. Why not appreciate peoples unique
talents instead of trying to make them duplicates of someone else. There are young talented tennis players. For example, there's a tennis player that has a great backhand - the way he slices a backhand makes you wonder if he works part time as a chef at Benihana (ok that was a really bad joke). There's another tennis player who has a great forehand and considerable speed on the court (did he use to run for the US Olympic Team or something).
There's another tennis player with a
very fast serve (sometimes I feel sorry for the tennis ball). There's another
tennis player with a great backhand
-cough- Swiss cheese cause he's, well, Swiss and he turned a few people into
Swiss cheese at Wimbledon. I was speaking to someone on a message board recently
and she referred to him as Fedex, but since he beat one of my favorites I told
her I'm switching to UPS -raspberry-. I'm kidding.
Oh yea, what was my point again...ah,
yes, they all have different strengths. So, let's not look for the next Sampras
or Agassi. Let the new tennis players grow into their own game, not build or
pattern it on someone else's due to pressure from the press.
When people refer to someone as the new
version of another person that achieved great success in that field, it takes
away from the person who they are being compared to and makes it seem like they
are being replaced - while dually taking away from the individual that's being
compared (sometimes unfairly and unflatteringly) to the well established person.
It robs them of their personality by putting them in a mold that God did not
make them from. It's idolatrous and God dislikes idolatry.
People have to be smart enough to take
the comparisons critics and audiences make as compliments, not commandments to
live by. The Bible never said thou shall be the next Pete Sampras. The Bible
never said thou shall cut your hair in a blonde mullet and be the next Agassi
(Recently I saw a pic of the mullet he use to wear, so I had to include that
comment). It's idolatrous, will rob them of their individuality and what worked
for one person sometimes does not work for another. Most audiences just want to see a good tennis match. It's always the hired prognosticators that look at the sport so technically that it takes the enjoyment out of it for the rest of us.
Doesn't baseball player Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez kind of remind you of tennis player Taylor Dent.
I read an article about tennis player Andy Roddick moving to Texas and not being able to find any hitting partners (Why? you moved to Texas, not Afghanistan - kidding). One of my friends in Texas who plays tennis and runs a tennis web site said she'd hit with him, but she's too scared of his serve. He could hit with his girlfriend singer/actress Mandy Moore, but considering how he serves, girl, you better wear a helmet. Accidentally connecting with a 149 mph serve is the quickest way to forget all your lyrics and script lines. I'm kidding.
Looking at the pic you really can't tell who won the tournament, can you. The guy who lost the tourney, Andrei Pavel, is smiling because he was awarded a crystal platter, I mean plaque (and not the one that forms on teeth, people - and that's not directed at Andrei or Timmy as they have lovely smiles) which he can flog on Ebay - I mean, put in his trophy case, yea that's it, put in his trophy case. While the winner, Britain's Tim Henman got a tree/antlers for winning. Aww, look at Timmy flying the flag/tree for Britain. Timmy, looks like you got the short end of the tree, I mean stick...(but you did get the bigger check, sorry, cheque).
Um,
if that trophy is a national tree or something...sorry, I'm just kidding, no hate
mail, please (oh well, there's one event I won't be allowed to get tickets
to). - While I'm on the subject of tennis...with all the first week upsets and injuries this week, whoever makes it to the Australian Open uninjured should win by default (kidding). Some may not want to win under those circumstances...but I say, never look a gift horse in the mouth (joking).
A little off topic, but I say the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) should have a similar test. Any female artist found using silicone will be banned for one year. Boy, a lot of people would be strangely absent. I'm just kidding. Speaking of the RIAA...illegal downloading is down by 41% due to the lawsuits that were filed. Go RIAA, it's your birthday! (I've always wanted to say that). Anyway, back on topic, as I've written on here before, I do post on a tennis message board, where I joked this week that some of the side effects of steroid use are irritability and erratic behavior, which would be compelling evidence against Rusedeski *cough* Wimbledon and McEnroe and Connors due to the on court outbursts they've had (I was just teasing them, I meant no harm). Ironically, two days after I posted that on the message board, an article was posted that was printed two days later in which McEnroe announced that he unwittingly took steroids for six years that was later found to be, "too strong for horses." I don't think less of him for talking about it. I watched many a McEnroe match as a child with my dad and those are some of my favorite childhood memories. However, as you've probably deduced, a steroid administered to humans that is too strong for horses is very dangerous. What does that do to a person's system. More recently, ATP trainers accidentally administered supplements with contents that caused several players to test positive for steroids. Here's hoping that doesn't happen again. It's not that difficult to fail a drug test, as Boris Becker tested positive for steroids due to sleeping pills, to which he became dependent on over the course of five years. Also, if an athlete is medicated for some reason or emergency, couldn't that cause them to fail a test as well. I read an article on the BBC that stated the positive test results could be due to the body producing Nandrolone naturally when other substances are broken down or from sources like contaminated meat. In an interview tennis player Andrew Ilie said something that was very sad, but profound, "People are just happy to sacrifice their health for three years of fame." Though no one is promised tomorrow, it's not wise to live carelessly. You should want to live, but the sport you play should not become your life, as it will only encompass a fraction of it. God, having a family and friends are more important. I'm writing this in general, do not make such a mess of your life in a short space of time that you will have to deal with the effects of for the rest of your life. That goes for drugs, steroids and otherwise, sleeping around when you are traveling on tour or becoming stressed at the direction of your career. That goes for singers as well. I mean, how many Behind The Music episodes do people have to watch to realize that when a person indulges in that lifestyle it has its consequences, affects their emotional well being and comes back to haunt them with other things. Some don't learn from other people's mistakes. Some newly famous people indulge in that lifestyle then babies start popping up all over the country, paternity suits being filed and before you know it you are in an office taking an HIV test because you aren't sure of your health because of who you've slept with. Don't gamble with your future. I implore you to appreciate what you have and not put it all at risk. There's a sad rumor going around about a young entertainer who slept around so much that his minders are asking for his own sake that he take an HIV test. He allegedly got someone pregnant who is known in industry circles for being very promiscuous and now they are concerned about his health. Stories like that are upsetting. He is really young. He shouldn't have to be concerned about things like that at his age, but because of things that happened, now he is. I'm not condemning him. I think he is a nice person. I more upset that he let himself get into those situations. He's got so much going for him and to put it all at risk for sex with someone he didn't even know is unfortunate. I pray that things will work out for him. Looking on at a person you can't tell if they have AIDS. They themselves may not even know. Some of you are also putting your health at risk by trusting people you do know who are lying to you about the extent of their sexual activities. So many people have said they trusted someone they knew who was sleeping around and not telling them and passed on the virus to them. People keep forgetting the reason HIV is spreading at such a rapid rate is because people are unknowingly passing it on to others. I remember when rapper Eazy E died there were quite a few women who were concerned they'd contracted the virus from him. It's difficult for some to walk away from temptation, but doing so can save your life and someone else's.
The Australian
Open - players dropping like flies, injury and otherwise. Am I the only
one thinking Russian tennis player Marat Safin had been watching the movie
Rocky, and to borrow a line from the Russian in the movie in my best Russian
accent, going on court saying, "I must break you!" Get it, break you, break
point in tennis...never mind!
I was in a tennis chat this week where a poster
named Tach spotted the word rat in Marat's name. Hmm could this be the year of
the rat...(I'm kidding and I don't follow that calendar). Don't get mad, Marat,
I'm just playing.
Doesn't
Marat remind you of actor Dean Caine.
Hey, doesn't Lindsay
Davenport remind you of Katie Couric. They both have cheerful personalities. After watching
an Australian Open interview on ESPN where Brad Gilbert was offered vegemite on
toast and, um, politely refused, was I the only one thinking, Al Bundy
(from that show that was on when I was a kid). Speaking of
Gilbert, here's a comment that he made regarding tennis player Justine Henin-Hardenne
that will have feminists everywhere trying to corner him in a dark alley (I can
laugh at this cause I'm not one): "There's well over 1,000 guys, more, who could beat her," Gilbert said. "Justine is a good little player, but she's about 5 feet, 5 inches, and about 125 pounds. She couldn't come close to beating one guy in the (Australian Open) draw."
What about
Serena, her best serve is 127 mph and she does play with more agility than some
of the guys.
On to the more serious tennis question of the week... who's the better rapper Roddick or Spadea? Spadea and Roddick, who are coincidentally both Boca Raton residents, are the ATP's rappers. During a recent tennis event Spadea joked that he's from the rough part of Boca. And that would be where, Vince? The areas where the homes have regular sized swimming pools as opposed to Olympic (just teasing). - The mind is a funny thing (those of you who use yours). A lot of sports is mental. Playing smart. Whether or not you resolve you can win. My dad played soccer professionally, also played tennis and cricket and was a coach. He says if an athlete has the physical ability to win, but has difficulties, they need mental coaching. Believe it or not, there is a mental aspect to winning. That's why the strongest don't always win. Apart of it is playing smart or playing smarter than your opponent, mixing up your game and actually believing you can win. You play much better when you believe you can win. Mental coaching does not mean hypnosis or a psychiatrist. This could be your coach, a family member or a friend who actually has the ability to get through to the person (look at the Williams Sisters, their dad is a very good coach and he doesn't play tennis - while he did teach them tennis, a lot of his success is based on his ability to get through to his daughters). For example, tennis player Andy Roddick had a breakthrough year in 2003, which has been attributed to him changing coaches. However, in this case, he already knew how to play tennis, which genetics then his former coach laid the groundwork for. Therefore, his new coach didn't teach him that. The bottom line is he already knew how to play tennis at that point, no disrespect to anyone. What his new coach really helped him with was mental coaching/mental conditioning and that really helped him reach number one. That's what people sometimes need to excel, someone that can reach them, help things make sense to them and instill that confidence in them that they can succeed...and more importantly to stop them from wearing visors (you wanna talk about the visors, Andy. I'm kidding). Your mental state plays a big part in it. Mental grit and fortitude are important. Some people just have a mind for that. Some people are just mentally tough, while others have to be taught that. That's not just a trait for sports, it's helpful to you in everything. It doesn't mean you are mean, it just means your mental endurance is greater. Mixing up your game - You know what I've always thought funny, someone being able to watch tapes of your games/matches and accurately guess what you are going to do next when they play you based on those tapes. Seriously, there are some athletes in different sports who you can tell what they are gonna do next based on what they did in previous games. If I'm casually watching a game and can retain that info, just imagine what an opponent who studies tapes is noticing. Playing smart - Is it such a bad thing to try to outsmart or set someone up - no, not in the kind of way where they'd need a lawyer, I mean like in football where coaches set up cunning, elaborate plays to outmaneuver their opponents. For example, in tennis, sometimes I wonder why some players keep hitting the ball to their opponents like it's hacky sack, rather than consistently setting up plays, hitting it away from them and running them all over the court (or am I just being mean again in thinking that's a good thing). Steady nerves - If this doesn't come naturally to you it would fall under conditioning as well. If you look at some of the most successful athletes in history they have certain things in common - steady nerves is one of them, as it helps to produce consistency in your performance. A clear mind helps (then again some of your minds are clear all the time). Patience exercises are good. No, it's not really anger management. It's more stress management - training yourself not to get upset and to react and operate more efficiently. My unique, innovative, slightly unorthodox approach to this would be you-kick-their-butt-or-I-will-kick-yours and shock therapy - every time you unravel out there, the electronic device I've attached to you will give you a little shock. If I coached a soccer team like my dad did people would say to me "Aisha, your players have a certain twinkle in their eyes," and my response would be, "Well, shock therapy does do that to a person, uh I mean yea, they're probably just happy or something, yea that's it, happy." I'm just kidding and I do not endorse shock therapy. Seriously, how do you react to tough situations when you are playing? Think about it. What is your common reaction. Do you become overwhelmed, unnerved or do you galvanize it and keep going like the Energizer Bunny. Pete Sampras was a prime example of that. He had nerves of steel on the court. I don't think it is because he was unfeeling. He did cry during his retirement ceremony (Yup, Pete cried like Halle Berry at the Oscars - I'm just teasing). So, it wasn't that he was unemotional, it just wasn't beneficial to his game to show what he was feeling while he played...and it served him well (get it, served him well, in tennis you serve...once again, never mind!). Another factor is self-confidence. If you don't have that confidence in yourself other people likely won't and it will embolden your opponents. Don't second guess yourself. Humility is a very good quality. Self-deprecation is even funny, but not if you start to believe it (the self-deprecating comments).
Australian Open - Just saw the match between Agassi and Safin, and wow, what a match. They both played well, but Marat won. It's sort of not fair though cause his arm span is wider than the court and he's taller than the ump's chair. It's kind of hard to beat someone who can cover the court without moving. He's probably been running up mountains and lifting cars to prepare for his comeback (to be playing like that). I'm just teasing. Well, my friend wanted him to win and she got her wish (never mind he beat all my favorites like a drum). Fair play to him, he played some great tennis. You could see the determination on his face and it's endearing the way he berates himself in Russian when he misses a point.
The Australian Open - The finals were a bit anti-climactic. The match between Agassi and Safin was more suspenseful. Marat was tired in his match against Roger Federer aka FedEx. Another good nickname for him would be boomerang, as he kept retuning the ball. He kept returning stuff he wasn't supposed to get to. Marat at different stages of the match had that I-can't-believe-that-came-back look on his face (insert Marat sighing and berating himself in Russian here. I'm kidding). Roger changes up his game a lot. It keeps you guessing and it works in his favor. Marat was fatigued from playing all those long matches. Roger spent a significantly less amount of time on the court. The written commentary during the televised match stated Safin played 303 games during the tournament. My mom made a good point in that for him to come back from a whole year off due to injury and reach a final is good. She said imagine if he'd been practicing (was able to) the whole year.
February 21, 2004 The Trophy file - Roddick won the Siebel Open and looking at that pic I couldn't help but think, my mom would
turn that into a vase and put flowers in it. A shame, I know -Aisha
self-righteously shakes her head- (kidding):
Well, somebody got a haircut. And this trophy...she'd make into a mini punch bowl...why, mom, why -Aisha self-righteously shakes her head again- (kidding). Miami resident Fernando Gonzalez winning the Bell South Open in his native Chile - you should hear his forehand crack through the wind, you'd think it was a dubbed in sound effect:
...and somebody didn't get a haircut. I'm just kidding, your hair looks nice. Your Latin, running away from scissors is apart of your heritage (just don't run with them). Hey, I understand, my grandmother was Latin as well and she had hair down to her waist. photo credit: The BellSouth Open Speaking of hairstyles, I saw the soccer match between Chelsea and Portsmouth last week and like I've said on here for months, the Latin soccer players, especially the Argentineans, always have the best curls! Check out Hernan Crespo's curls. You know, I'm tired of footie players having better highlights and curls than I do. Between Beckham's great highlights and Hernan's great curls, I don't know which one of them upset me more (kidding).
March 13, 2004
- In
tennis, Vince Spadea won the Templeton Classic in Scottsdale. Ah, rappers
playing tennis - Vince, I guess all that rapping paid off - just kidding (for
reference to that joke, see Sound Off entry dated January 28th,
2003).
You
know what’s kind of ironic, if a gangster rapper played tennis and the line
call was not in his favor, he would hand out a beating to the linesperson and
probably the umpire as well for being in the linesperson’s crew. I’m kidding.
-
Don't tennis twins the Bryan Brothers resemble Al Gore. They could pass for his
kids. And those celebratory chest bumps they do…I see someone’s a Milli
Vanilli fan (Milli Vanilli used to do that as well). Also, have you guys ever
miscalculated, missed and ended up on the ground. That would be an ESPN moment.
Just kidding. Between them, they’ve got 19 titles…and a few hundred chest
bumps.
- This
week, Greg Rusedeski was cleared of steroid use allegations. However, the sad
thing about those incidents is the stigma still remains. Not to mention all the
unwanted press he received. One journalist poignantly wrote, “Rusedeski tests
positive for being Canadian.”
This
month, the ATP assembled an anti-doping task force comprised of athletes and
other individuals ...yup, the tennis police. Imagine noticing one of your
friends taking steroids and having to turn them in "Hey, put that
Nandrolone laced power bar down and put your hands against the wall!" I'm
kidding.
Steroid
use is very serious.
The
temptation to take steroids is great in sports, as there’s a lot of pressure
to perform well.
However,
steroids have many bad side effects (is there such a thing as a good side
effect).
Impotence
- yup, steroid use will cause the family jewels to turn into cubic zirconias
(cubic zirconias, you know, the stones in your fiancé’s ring). Men are
usually very preoccupied with sex. It pervades their life and their speech.
I
think the ATP and other organizations are going about this all wrong. They need
to pay for some advertising similar to the Truth campaign's (those are some
annoying teenagers if you work for a tobacco company, but they are hilarious).
Back
to what I was saying, the ATP needs to pay for some advertising with the words
"steroid abuse = impotence." That'll get their attention. Just watch
how effective that campaign would become. Tell them steroid abuse can render
them impotent and they will pay attention.
Not to
mention, another side effect is men growing breasts. Another topic men are
preoccupied with in regards to women. In the commercial, tell them, “Now with
steroids, you can grow your very own.”
According
to drugabuse.gov:
Health
consequences associated with anabolic steroid abuse include:
Hormonal
system disruptions. Reduced sperm production, shrinking of the testicles,
impotence, and irreversible breast enlargement in boys and men. Decreased body
fat and breast size, deepening of the voice, growth of excessive body hair, loss
of scalp hair, and clitoral enlargement in girls and women.
Musculoskeletal
system effects. Premature and permanent termination of growth among adolescents
of both sexes.
Cardiovascular
diseases. Heart attacks and strokes.
Liver
diseases. Potentially fatal cysts and cancer.
Skin
diseases. Acne and cysts.
Infections.
In injecting steroid abusers, HIV/AIDS, hepatitis B and C, and infective
endocarditis, a potentially fatal inflammation of the inner lining of the heart.
Behavioral
effects. Increased aggressive behavior, particularly when high doses are taken.
Depression, mood swings, fatigue, restlessness, loss of appetite, and reduced
sex drive when steroid abuse is stopped.
I'm not a sports fanatic. I enjoy the effort players put into their matches and the teamwork. It should be more about sportsmanship and camaraderie with friends, family and fans cheering you on.
Audiences
don't want athletes hurting themselves by abusing steroids for our amusement.
No spectator wants that. Sports are not supposed to be about crossing lines that
injure you physically, mentally and morally. All that for entertainment? Is it
really worth it? No.
I can
only imagine the pressure and stress athletes face having that as a full time
job and carrying around other people's expectations (That can be almost as bad
as steroids). I think that's when people cease to enjoy what they do.
I'm
not gonna condemn anyone who has taken steroids. It's obvious the temptation to
do so is great, but athletes need to stay away from it.
I know
many people want to be lauded as great, featured on the news, on magazine
covers, in commercials, sign big endorsement deals, have lots of fans, people chasing them, but at the end of the day you have to deal with the decisions you
make and certain aspects of that lifestyle will destroy you (particularly the
sleeping around and steroid use).
Friends,
fans and business associates can be fickle. If you are going to win something,
win it for yourself, don't do it for other people, because at the end of the day, other than God, you just
don’t know who’s going to be there for you. And God wouldn’t be putting
that kind of pressure on you, as fame is fleeting and not something to be
coveted. Not to mention, people’s support tends to shift with how
famous you are. Ask anyone who's not as famous as they once were. However, you
can't be blamed for other people's behavior that you didn't incite.
What I
don't understand is why can't athletes just do like Rocky did...go back to the
basics. Drink some raw eggs (and hope you don't catch salmonella) then jog for
miles until you see some steps that look narrow enough to run up without passing
out. I’m kidding.
I
think the salmonella was really kicking in for Rocky to think that he could beat
a scientifically trained boxer two times his height and body mass with a neck
like the Hulk (Ah, another side effect, on court outbursts that make the Hulk
seem like a wimp). However, when you will something and have enough faith you
can accomplish it. Look at David and Goliath. By God’s grace, David used faith
and ingenuity to defeat his opponent. He used three smooth stones and before you
knew it Goliath was on the ground. Yup, God was a better manager/promoter than
Don King. I'm kidding and God wouldn't do
that.
Sometimes
that kind of rugged, back to basics training benefits athletes more. Look at
marathon runners. Much like basketball (NBA), Africans have that market cornered
and in many ways they really aren't scientifically trained (off topic for a bit,
with so many black athletes in the NBA – shouldn’t NBA stand for the National
Black Association – just kidding and no hate mail, please). When training for
marathons, Africans often run over rough terrain and many do so barefooted (If
that doesn't give you a callous nothing will). Some modern runners would balk at that..."You want me to run through the park, by myself, with no support cushioning in my sneakers, no vitamin water, no goggles, no lip balm and no 1,000 thread count towel? Are you crazy?! This is not in my contract! Where's my agent?!"
March 25, 2004
In
tennis, am I the only one noticing the irony in the ATP match pairings of late.
Roddick vs. Spadea, the battle of the rappers. Federer vs. Fish, the battle of
the pony tails. Got Milk? - Swiss tennis player Roger Federer milking his pet cow Juliette, that he was given after winning Wimbledon (pic courtesy of the ATP):
I saw that pic last year and couldn't stop laughing (and seeing it again, I'm still laughing). At least he doesn't take himself too seriously. Speaking of Roger "FedEx" Federer, he and his cow won the Pacific Life Open last week. Ok, the cow didn't win, but that would be some scary doubles tennis...and knowing that sports apparel company that shall remain nameless, they'd probably brand a big old swoosh on the side of the cow. Why does Roger keep winning and more importantly, is he doing this deliberately. What I don't get is why the other tennis players aren't more mature about this and just shove him in his locker until the match is over like in high school (just kidding and that wouldn't be a nice thing to do). If that didn't work, I'd trip him during a changeover and hope the camera didn't catch it and just in case it did, I'd try to make it look like an accident. "Dude, what happened? Are you okay? You really ought to be more careful. Do you want me to go get a paramedic?" (kidding). It's been said that his Swiss Miss, um I mean his girlfriend, helps him with his tennis, aww! (Get the joke...Swiss Miss, he's Swiss and she's a miss). Well, I'd kick her butt too for helping him win (Just kidding). Still, I think tennis players take it too well when he wins. They’re always talking about his talent and congratulating him, “Dude, you played so well.” I don’t think I’d take losing to him that well. I’d have a special dinner after the match in his honor...steak or hamburger anyone? -Federer wandering around in the background, perplexed saying, “Has anyone seen my pet cow?”- Yes Roger, steak sauce and ketchup have. Beef, that's what's for dinner...Got Milk? (Just wanted to see how many TV commercial slogans I could use in one sentence). They say revenge is best served cold - but in this case it would be served hot...and with fries (that's what you get for winning so much - If one of my British cousins wasn't born in Switzerland I'd renounce the whole country for him winning so much). I'm just kidding and I don't believe in being vengeful. Recently, he was asked on ESPN why he is not more known in America, while he is considered the Michael Jordan of Switzerland (Oh, yes, I see the resemblance -- just kidding) and is well known in other countries. Federer responded that he needed to make appearances on shows in America to raise his profile. I say he could do a few appearances...and bring his pet cow. Oh, that'll get him on the 6 o'clock news in every state. He'd be the Juan Valdez of tennis - Juan walked around with a donkey to promote coffee, Federer could walk around with his cow to promote tennis. Either that or get FedEx to sponsor you. Kidding again. Back to Juan Valdez for a minute, if you saw a man pulling a donkey in the middle of the supermarket, um, wouldn't you be alarmed? But in the commercials everyone just kept going like it was normal. Back to Federer. Often times talent is understated. Talent often goes under-appreciated. For example, there are many talented Christian artists that aren't well known in the mainstream, but they are still more talented than the majority of the artists in secular music (Leshaun Pace, Crystal Lewis, Tarralyn Ramsey and Natalie Grant could out-sing most of the female artists in the mainstream). Still, even Norah Jones, as talented as she is and as successful as she has become, you really don't know much about her, much like Federer. So, Roger, you're the Norah Jones of tennis. Andy - Andy's the Mandy Moore (cause they date). Timmy's the Sade (cause he's British). And Pete…Pete is considered the best so far, so he’s the Aretha. April 11, 2004 In tennis...clay season is upon us - grown men playing in dirt. You know, some of us gave that up in kindergarten. Just kidding, but being raised here, not my favorite surface, but nonetheless, an entertaining one. I watched the NASDAQ last week, no, not the stock market, the tennis open on Key Biscayne. Two locals won, I don’t know if you've heard of them, some girl named Serena and some dude named Andy. I'm just kidding. The thought provoking question of the week...why did Waterford give Andy Roddick a punch bowl for winning the NASDAQ (yes, more trophy jokes, but I'm kidding) :
Roddick beat Argentinean Guillermo Coria, who had to retire due to injury. During his closing speech, he spoke in his native tongue of Spanish, which was translated into English. I’m thinking, this is Miami; you don’t need to translate it. Now, if it were in English, then you'd need a translator. I’m just teasing and I meant that statement in a good way. ...A quote from a few years ago that I read on a web site, where André Agassi poignantly said of Pete Sampras “If Pete’s child is a girl, my son will like her; if he’s a boy, my son will defeat him.” Now that’s what I call a rivalry, the kids taking over where the parents left off. They both have nice families. What if Sampras’ son married Agassi’s daughter and they had children of their own. Now, that's what I call genetically engineered tennis players. I'm just kidding.
May 1, 2004 Today, I read about a
fire in a hotel in Rome, where many tennis players were staying and I thank God
they are okay. From what was written, it sounds like a harrowing, traumatic
experience. However, sadly, three tourists died in the blaze. June 5, 2004 A few weeks ago Rainer Schuttler hilariously took a pic of a bad line call to make a clever point about how incorrect some calls can be. Shortly after, American tennis player Vince Spadea beat him on clay. Now that's something you ought to take a pic of - one of our guys winning on clay. Vince did pretty well this season and Roddick did make it to the second round of Roland Garros, which for one of our guys on clay, is like making it to a semi-final. I'm just kidding. Still, some of my favorites didn't fare too well this clay season. They were partial to bagels (ok, not really, but just about), therefore, for the season, I've affectionately named them the bagel boys. I'm just kidding. It was a good effort (…and pass the cream cheese). I've found an answer to the clay crisis. The organizers need to mix the clay with cement, then our guys won't know the difference (ok, yea, that would be hard court tennis). Maybe they could come up with a clay sneaker that would simulate the feeling of a hard court; thereby tricking them into thinking they aren't on clay. Speaking of equipment, let's talk about rackets, pardon me, racquets. Am I the only one that noticed that you can make the word "bat" out of "Babolat.” The racket manufacturer should have named the brand "batolat" cause that's just what it is, a bat! A bat impersonating a tennis racket. They just fanned out the top a bit = added some strings. Think you could hit a home run with that racket? I think so. I'm not complaining, though. Any racket that can get my serve up to 20 mph is alright with me. I’m kidding - you all must be thinking, she must really be bad if she can only get 20 out of a Babolat. I don't know what my fastest serve is. Hey, just as long as it is not mistaken for my slowest serve, but then again they might just be the same (sigh). Kidding again. From ESPN: "Here's another shocker: No. 9-seeded Tim Henman became the first Englishman in the Open era to reach the semifinals at Roland Garros." Well, try not to sound so surprised. My relatives must have been quite happy at the news. They are tennis fans/players as well. His performance at this year’s French Open should pretty much clinch a future knighthood for Timmy...Sir Henman. Even though he lost to Coria, who pretty much is clay, Tim did well. People underestimate him because he looks nice, pleasant and friendly. He really doesn't look very menacing, but his game is. Hear hear! (I've been wanting to write that phrase for so long, just couldn't find a way to slip it into the column). When I watched his match against Coria, the first thing I thought was Timmy is looking a little brown, did he get a tan or did he get clay on him. Just kidding, he got a tan. I’m suspicious of any Brit with a tan. Kidding again. Sorry, it is my duty to the English side of my family to make British weather related jokes anytime the opportunity arises. From the wardrobe malfunction department…Marat, you're supposed to wait until you get in the locker room to have a wardrobe malfunction. Serena...when I watched her match against Kirilenko, at first glance I thought, is Serena wearing a bikini on court? I guess she figured it's almost summer…Next the guys will be wearing Speedos. I sure hope not. Tennis would never be the same. I read on a tennis web site that Goran Ivanisevic felt God was trying to get him because he promised to quit tennis after he won Wimbledon but didn’t and since then he's had shoulder problems, stepped on a shell in Miami and had to have surgery to repair his foot. He said he's scared he'll get struck by lightening next. Goran, God is not out to get you. Next time you walk on the beach, wear shoes. June 16, 2004 In tennis, Andy Roddick retained his title by winning the Stella Artois tournament for the second year in a row. Last week, Roger Federer also won Halle. No, not Halle Berry, the Halle tennis open in Germany. This was also the second year in a row Federer won the tournament. I think it could be the beginning of an interesting rivalry. A friendly rivalry, but a rivalry, none the less. Sort of like Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi. Hey, with Agassi already inviting Roddick to barbeques and giving him advice, this could be a reality soon. For further reference to that joke, please see Agassi's "If Pete’s child is a girl, my son will like her; if he’s a boy, my son will defeat him” comment. I'm just teasing. However, it would make for good tennis. If they need help getting the rivalry started you could always tell Federer, Roddick said something about his pet cow and you could tell Roddick that Federer said something about his visor collection. Actually, that might turn into a boxing match instead of tennis. Forget I mentioned that. - In soccer…last week, when asked about Arsenal teammate and France Eurocup opponent, English soccer player Ashley Cole said: "John and Sol are well equipped to play against Thierry. Sol plays up against him all the time in training and John has played against him in the Premiership (for Chelsea).” Ok, so basically there was no plan for containing Thierry, then (I’m totally kidding). Sol and John play very well. My dad says mental game is a big part of winning. To make his point, he hilariously said, “If you have an argument with your wife before the match, you’re gonna lose!” You guys may wanna think about that next time. Tell Thierry’s wife that he’s been making jokes in the locker room about her cooking. It would be difficult for him to play at his best after being clocked with a frying pan. I’m just kidding. Ashley’s other game plan: "We had a title to win and a record to beat but towards the end I was telling Thierry Henry I would be looking to kick him, if I can catch him!” Ashley, trying to kick him wouldn’t have been right…tripping him would have been better. If you kick him, you’ll get carded. You cannot effectively explain to a ref why you kicked someone. Trip him and you can argue and say “I didn’t trip him, he fell over my foot!” or “he’s normally my teammate, why would I trip him? I thought he looked a bit unsteady on his feet and I was trying to hold him up with my foot.” To Thierry: Why couldn’t you have been born in England. You know, croissants and scones really aren’t that different (ok, yea they are) a little clotted cream and jam on them and you won’t know the difference (ok, yea you will). I’m just kidding, nothing against either country. However, England coach Sven -Goran Eriksson was more optimistic about England’s chances against France: Eriksson told reporters: "To be honest, whatever you play, Zidane (France) will be a headache. He's a headache for everyone.” Well, at least Sven was optimistic, right…ok, not really. And a headache Zidane was. I mean, what was he thinking scoring those goals. How dare he! (Aisha glaring at Zidane…I’m joking). Me personally, I think if you can spell Zinedine Zidane’s entire name, you should be entitled to a free kick (just teasing…and like my name is any easier to spell). I call him ZiZi and Z-Ziddy (get it, like P Diddy…ok, another bad joke). So nice his mama named him twice (yea, that was a corny joke on my part as well). Both his first and last names begin with “zi” and end with “ne.” His official nickname is Zi-Zou Zi-Zou, though. Speaking of Ashley wanting to kick Thierry…it brings me to the next subject of athletes disputing calls. You can tell by the looks on their faces that they did something (I'm completely kidding with these jokes):
Other funny sports pics:
Pics courtesy of Corbis June 24, 2004 In the last Sound Off article I wrote that a friendly rivalry between Roddick and Federer would be good for tennis, sort of like Sampras and Agassi. A few days later the Sun Sentinel ran a story that a rivalry between Roddick and Federer would be good for tennis, much like Sampras and Agassi or Connors and McEnroe - with Roddick and Federer stating their opinions on it. They said they can understand a possible rivalry, but they are friends who think well of each other…aww that’s so sweet. Ok, the head of the ATP needs to do something about that. You know, tell Federer something like… "Roddick said he’s gonna sell your pet cow to McDonalds for their new, uh, animal sanctuary –cough- value menu" (kidding). They don’t have to whack each other with their tennis rackets or anything (though, it wouldn’t hurt – ok, yea, literally, it would, but I meant it wouldn't hurt ratings). Seriously, they can be friendly rivals. I think the dynamic people would be interested in seeing is two gifted people playing good tennis and battling it out for the number one. With Federer cleverly hitting like an artful painter creating a portrait and Roddick masterfully whacking the ball into the next solar system it would make for interesting viewing and reporting. Speaking of his serve, does he really expect people to return that or to at least properly return it. In his match today, a lot of his opponent's returns unintentionally looked like lobs or was that the game plan - hit it so high that the sun would get in his eyes and he'd miss. Sun...what am I saying, the match was in England (kidding). Speaking of Federer, a few days ago, my sister’s friend gave her an authentic autographed pic of Federer as a gift. My little sister being the astute little skeptic she is, looked up his signature and found out he really did sign the pic. Note to any man that would want to marry my sister in the future: make sure the ring is real because she will check. P.S. - she is currently underage, so any of you try that now and I will make sure you have to adjust to life as a eunuch. I’m totally kidding. I don’t think it’s right for women to, um, Lorena Bobbitt a man. Anyway, back to the signed pic. It was so nice of her friend to give her that (what was her friend thinking. Does she know how much she could have gotten for it on Ebay. I was secretly wondering how much I could get for it on Ebay. I’m just teasing. Besides, I’d have to con my little sister out of the pic first and she’s way too smart for that). Another tennis observation…I think if you are a qualifier and you draw Federer or Roddick you should have the right to sue the ATP for cruel and unusual punishment. Can you imagine being told you drew Andy. I’d be like, uh, you mean Andy Griffith, right? (I’m just teasing, I love Andy Griffith – and he’d probably win the match against me too). However, as my dad said, with the fitness level of these guys on the tour now, anybody can beat anybody on a given day. In some ways I think that's good. It boosts new players' confidence that they have a chance. The training regimen tennis players follow is pretty grueling. It makes you wonder if all that training and the long hours of practice are contributing to the number of injuries. That’s a lot of wear and tear on the body on a weekly basis. However, some experts attribute the amount of injuries to the fast paced ATP schedule and lack of time to recuperate between tournaments. They're only human. After a while they will become fatigued, but under the circumstances, they really can't afford to. Wimbledon- I’ve been watching Wimbledon this week. Can you believe it’s been raining in England. Who would have thunk it -feigns surprise-. Yes, another bad weather joke on my part and I’m totally kidding. I saw Goran’s first round match, which was fun. He was enjoying himself and it showed. He won his match against Volandri as well. I also saw Tim Henman’s first round match. Didn’t his opponent, Hidalgo, look like Tom Cruise, but with Fabio like hair. Robby Ginepri’s got that Fabioesque thing going too, especially with the chiseled features – Robbio anyone? I’m just kidding. Seriously, Hidalgo reminded me of Tom Cruise, especially the nose and mouth. He played a very good debut match. However, Tim turned it around and won the match. He played some clever tennis in the fourth set. I like it when players try to outsmart their opponents and run them all over the court. Henman is good at that. Though, after the match I thought, Tim’s gonna have to drink his Lucozade after that 3 hour, 4 setter. Off topic a bit for a second, how come they have Lucozade in the ethnic isle of the supermarkets in Miami. You don’t really think of British as ethnic, but I guess in Miami it is. And since this is Miami, which is mostly Latin, shouldn’t all the other food be in the ethnic isle and the Latin food in the regular isles. Aha! Never say my site doesn’t make you think…or at least confuse you. Preferably not the latter. Back to Wimbledon… Roddick vs. Wang - Speaking of smart tennis, Wang Chung, uh, I mean Yeu-Tzuoo Wang played some clever tennis against Roddick. Wang looks so young (he's 19 years old). At first when I saw him, I jokingly thought, “Hey, they’re letting ball boys play now.” However, it was another good debut match. Still, Roddick showed why he’s got those titles when he took control of the match and won it. When he’s losing a set he gets this controlled incredible-hulk-implosion-look on his face when it hits him, “Hey, I’m losing!” Then 90% of the time he turns it around. He ups his game at that point. And yes, I’m probably watching these matches too closely to be observing all this (joking). Federer – He’s been serving up bagels like his name was Lenders. If I played Roger, the score would be…6-1 6-1…ok, 6-0 6-0. Still, I’d like to think he’d at least let me get a few points cause I’m such a nice person. However, if I did catch a double bagel, I’d request they rework the scoring system (yes, real singer-like behavior). That way, instead of broadcasting the bagel, well, double bagel (I was trying to leave that out), it would read 6-.4 6-.4. That’s sort of like half a bagel and at first glance it looks like it says 6-4 6-4, if you don't pay attention to the decimal points, which would make me feel better. Hey, reward me for my effort. Self-confidence is very important to a non-ranked player. Silly you think? Ah, but with the ridiculousness in music today regarding female artists, stupid stuff like that would fly. I saw a post match interview with Federer a few days ago and I have a TENNIS RELATED QUESTION…why does Roger’s tennis gear look like men’s couture? I mean, he was wearing a nice pair of sweats with a white shirt...and it looked like couture. The sweats almost looked like a suit. I thought, did the Swoosh people make that especially for him or is it the dry cleaning. And if it is the dry cleaning, dude, who’s your dry cleaner, Armani? (kidding). Our players (male) joked a few months ago that their clothes don’t look very pristine. Yea, the Young Americans have this laidback California casual look going – you know, like they are going to a barbeque, not a tennis tournament (kidding). I’m just waiting for one of them to wear a pair of khaki shorts and flip-flops on court (kidding again). As for the women, Serena, the tennis court is your runway, girl. Pick of the Week: Arnaud “Willie Nelson” Clement
I’m just kidding with these jokes. On an unfair note, the tiebreak error during Venus’ match ought not to have happened. She took it pretty well, though. I don’t think I would have. I would have thrown a hissy fit and demanded to speak to the Queen. Hey, I’m a singer, we always complain to the person at the top. Just kidding. July 10, 2004 Well, it looks like I showed some foresight again when on June 16th, 2004 I wrote on this page that a rivalry between Federer and Roddick would be a good idea. Ironically, it happened, as the Wimbledon final 6 days ago was between Roddick and Federer - with newspapers now hailing their rivalry. It was the first time in twenty 20 years the #1 and #2 ranked players squared off in a Wimbledon final. -Aisha jokingly sitting on a rug imitating pretentious gurus- Don't worry, I will use my God given gifts for good and not evil -cough- I won't try to win the lottery. Besides, I don't gamble. Back to the match. It was a ratings coup for NBC, up 33% from last year. From Tennis Week: "To be honest, it's certainly bodes well for men's tennis in that this is emerging as an attractive rivalry,' NBC spokesperson Kathy Collins said." Well, at least they didn't have to utilize my idea of whacking each other with their tennis rackets to get good ratings, as I jokingly mentioned on June 16th, 2004. The rivalry was enough to bring in good numbers. Back to the Wimbledon final. I think Roddick and Federer played quite well. Andy gave him a real fight. The round of applause they received showed just how good the match was and how appreciate the crowd was of their efforts. They've both developed their games a lot over the last year. After all, a year ago, neither had become the number one yet or received a lot of press. Boy, things sure can change over night. It really looked like both of them came out of nowhere to attain the success they have, when they've both been working at it for a long time and been apart of the tour for a few years. Isn't it weird how things happen that way. As I wrote above, both have improved their games a lot, but neither have reached their full potential, which is good, as it means they can get better...and if they are playing at this level now, that could really be something to watch develop. ...Here at Aisha Music, I like to come up with stupid stuff. This week is no different: The “Microwave Match” award goes to Lindsay Davenport (for her quickness in completing a match). During her Wimbledon match against Sprem, I turn my head for a few seconds during the second set and the next thing I see is her running to the net to shake her opponents hand and the post match wrap up. Quotes From the frank, but funny file - Robby Ginepri (Miami Herald): ''I've been serving well lately. For some reason, always when the grass comes around, I start to serve well,'' he said. ``I don't know why I can't serve this way during the whole year.'' It takes a candid man to admit that. Most would have said, yea, I meant to do that (just kidding). Off topic a bit, I wonder what Robby's favorite car is. Wonder if it's the MINNIE Cooper. And I wonder what kind of DRIVER he is. That was a little pun/joke because he dated actress Minnie Driver, nothing against either of them. I was just kidding. Federer showing his comedic side: Federer is fulfilling a pre-Wimbledon promise to play in Gstaad and was pleased to hear that he will not be presented with another cow to mark his victory as he was last year. "I'm happy. I have two cows because the cow had a calf. I went to visit her but I think the excitement was bigger from my side than her side. I hope they don't give me a sheep, a pig, a donkey or anything this year," he joked. Haha, pretty soon it's gonna be like that nursery rhyme Old McDonald..."Old Mc Federer had a farm..." They call you Club Fed now, but if your country gives you anymore pets, they're gonna start calling you "Farm Fed" (get the joke...farm fed animals). I'm just kidding.
"I have already achieved two of the three although one is still going on because I want to finish the year as number one, but now I want to play well at the Olympics because it was such a great experience at Sydney 2000." He has opted to stay in the Olympic Village in Athens and said: "I did it in Sydney and it was great. I stayed with the wrestlers so I was safe." (Roger Federer) Yea, in an unrelated way, I sort of know what Roger means. I know I feel safe when I'm around rappers...guns everywhere. Just kidding, but can you blame me for making that joke with the way a lot of rappers brag about weapons. “Chants of ‘Hen-man! Hen-man!’ Screams of ‘Come on, Tim!’ And that was two hours before Tim Henman set foot on the grass (SC Times and Democrat).” Wow, sure it was Centre Court and not Wembley. The important, tennis related question is…can Timmy sing? Does he have the kind of velvety voice that would melt butter or the scary kind that would peel the wallpaper off the walls? Just kidding. Speaking of Henman, he was awarded an OBE a week ago. Congrats to him. Hey, that knighthood I wrote about a few weeks ago is just around the corner. OK, yea, it's gonna take years, as they are awarded to people later in their careers to securely establish merit, but an OBE is great as well. Timmy, now that you've accepted your OBE, let me borrow it - really, I'll give it back. Jamaica comes from British rule and my dad has the Jamaican equivalent of an OBE for his contribution to music, but he won't let me borrow his either. But hey, maybe Tim will let me borrow his. I'm just kidding. Speaking of OBEs, why do some people turn them down. For years I've read articles in British newspapers about someone turning down an OBE. It's your country or the commonwealth your country comes from bestowing an honor on you. Why not accept it from and on behalf of your country, in carrying on a tradition. - Serena has been hitting aces like her name was Andy Roddick (146 mph Wimbledon record). That kind of serving would produce a scary doubles match from those two. One of her aces was 126 MPH. Hey, some of the guys don’t even hit a 126. I like the way they ace themselves out of deficits. Like I’ve joked on here before, aces are cheap shots and an easy way to get out of a hole. I think it’s playing smart. Rallies can be fun to watch, but why risk it if you can get that ace and put that point away. Then again, with thinking like that, maybe that's why I'm not ranked. I'm kidding. Speaking of rallies...don't long rallies remind you of hacky sack. - It’s weird, when someone has a bad match, critics write about it like the person’s career is totally derailed and unsalvageable, then when they do well again, they write how they are dominating and they knew all along that they would make a comeback. It makes you want to ask… ok, which is it? Articles like that really don't help athletes...and no I'm not talking about any journalist in particular, as several do that. For years I’ve read headlines to that effect about different people. They also write that of singers and actors as well. Entertainment is such a fake, fickle business. The fact of the matter is careers usually have high and low points, but sadly, people expect you to perform perfectly each time. However, at the end of the day, you are human. No one on this earth is perfect. - This week I saw the commercial featuring professional tennis player Taylor Dent and Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf's adorable little son playing tennis. The kid wiped the court with him (kidding). So Taylor, how much did you pay them to edit out the part where their son won the match:
Photo courtesy of Wimbledon.org Kidding, that pic is from Taylor's Wimbledon match against Roddick. The score was pretty good, so he earned that nap. -And from the they’ve-got-to-be-kidding department – how ironic and peculiar is Jay Z coming out with a tennis shoe. Credibility counts and in this case |
